I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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