I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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