I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
