I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We are two peas in an std pod
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
