The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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