i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
