I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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