I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
