you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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