there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
