yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
