OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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