i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
