she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My life is pants optional.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
