My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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