I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
