i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
