Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
