He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
