the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize