Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
