so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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