The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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