I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
