I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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