Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
