and i looked up. we had an audience...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
