Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
