he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
