i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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