I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
