i permit you to call me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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