I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Found the puke drawer
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
