i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
