i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
