I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
