On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
