He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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