i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Fuck me I smell like cheese
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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