Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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