wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
