I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
