yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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