No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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