you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
