when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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