I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
