Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
