What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
