We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
