im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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