Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His hands were made for my vagina.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
