Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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