The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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