3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
