My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
