Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
