Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
