we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
