So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
