I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so let's talk penis.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
