She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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