Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
