I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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