why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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