He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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