I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
