when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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