last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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