True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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