Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
