I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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