I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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