I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
