just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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