Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
